Yesterday was the day.
I went from toddlers mummy to kinder boys mummy.
Just like that.
Time doesn’t apologise.
I remember the first time I dropped Little Vick off at a home daycare house to try it out. He whaled. Hated the separation. Broke his little darling heart and part of mine in the process. It went on for weeks.
I guess I thought he might always be like that. As mothers I think we like to think a small part of our children will always dislike separation from us and protest about it. Just a little. Just enough to make us feel….. well, needed.
But that is a selfish thought and now it is just that, a thought.
Yesterday when Mr Vick, Baby Vick and myself piled out of the car to farewell our Little Vick on his first day of 3 year old kinder we had little idea of how Little Vick would react.
We took him in and he said this: “bye!” and parked himself in front of the shells and didn’t look up again.
Not a single bit of resistance or hesitation. Not an ounce of that one year in him left that cried with heartbreak when I left him for the first time.
Mr Vick and I left quietly. Emotion swirling inside of us. We watched another mum tear up. I had that inside of me but it didn’t leak out. I always thought that gallon of emotion was ridiculous watching mums do the first drop offs. “Get a grip ladies” I always thought. What a naïve little girl I was who didn’t understand that depths of love.
Yesterday we left that kinder and admittedly Mr Vick and I had some date time. Sipping wine. At a winery. With baby in hand. Yes, that part doesn’t sound so flash. Driven to drinking but it was done with class and all for the purpose of researching for my upcoming 30th birthday. True story.
Anyway. We left feeling so much pride and the sobering realisation that it’s time to step back just a little. Time to trust strangers to influence our baby in just the right ways. Time to trust all that we have and are teaching him will be right with him when he needs it.
Loving is knowing when to step away. That old line breaks me when I attach it to my children but I know it’s the must have ingredient to create confident, well rounded individuals. It’s also the must have ingredient in creating a meaningful parent/child relationship which will extend well into the future. Forever even.
I knew all that. I knew it would happen one day, but I didn’t realise at age 3 I’d already have to give over and step away just a smidgen. I’m hardly ready but what I saw in his little face yesterday was a readiness for life and learning and interacting and embracing. What I saw was a little individual equipped perfectly in all the right ways to head out, even if it’s just for 4 hours a week, to see the world as an individual. Albeit, separated from us and out of the nest. I was proud of that.
I saw a good little person yesterday. Not that I have a single picture of him. I saw all the pictures on Facebook last night of kidlets off to kinder for the first time and gasped realising I didn’t capture a single thing about Little Vick’s. Totally unlike my snap happy self. Mr Vick told me that it didn’t matter we’d all been there to capture the memory together. We lived it and the milestone will always be felt and remembered because of that.
He’s a goodin’ that Mr Vick sometimes.
So. Vicki, the kinder Mummy it is.
Do you have kidlets starting something new this year?