Creativity my Healer

I’ve been quiet recently around these parts. We’ve been laying low indoors incubating with the odd bit of DIYing, watching DVD’s and getting diggy with the toy diggers. A strange satisfaction has washed over me about staying home for many of my days. I’ve worn in the idea I think. It’s only taken 3.5 years.

Sitting inside I watch the last rays of summer and wonder why they have to leave us for another season. I have regrets about not participating in more outdoorsy-ness whilst the rays were here but a new baby will do that to you. The days are starting to get greyer and I can’t help but feel my mood change with it. A dread is starting to settle about what lies ahead.

Being indoors has meant I’ve been connecting with some dormant aspects of myself, namely my creativity. I had forgotten how good it feels to make crafty stuff as I’m not just talented at making humans. DIYing using materials and an artistic eye does something for me. It switches a little glow on inside. I’ve enjoyed rekindling that.

I got out my sewing machine a few days back and tackled the long list of want-to-makes and boy, it felt satisfying to press the pedal and hear the machine hum. I’ve been click clacking at my knitting again also and I’m dropping stitches more than I care to disclose and I’m not even wanting to kill the nearest person!!! I have remembered I like to take photos too and that although it’s easier to slap out my iPhone it’s got nothin’ on my fancy pancy SLR baby so I’m making an effort to capture things good and proper. Along side all of this I’ve been making yummy stuff ‘cos that’s the only way to get in with my boys and it’s satisfying having home baked rather than the run of the mill packet of supermarket somethings. To top of my list I have supplies ready to make a number of terrariums and when I have nailed them, then I will be in with the hipster crowd.

It’s amazing what can be achieved when you give yourself a little time.

In truth being creative has been a form of healing for me. I have been suffering from higher amounts of anxiety and that makes me vulnerable to being surly, down in the dumps and mostly just a mad cow type. Yes, again.

This relationship with myself is such an ongoing complex thing. I think I will baffle me for my entire life. Motherhood has definitely increased my levels of anxiety and the amount of time I have to dwell in it is new for me. My pre baby life was always one speed: super bazooko. I didn’t have time to evaluate and consider how I might actually be feeling deep down or be consumed by it. I was too busy trying to make something of myself. Now if I try to be super bazooko or put pressure on myself about becoming who I think I should be I spiral into an anxiety filled individual instantaneously. It steals me away from where I need to be.

It is this anxiety that often steals my words away and you will notice I am absent from the blog for a week or two or three. I get disappointed about that as I love playing with words and being out in the bloggersphere. I get kicks from it but I can’t authentically construct a post if I am feeling empty and lost in survival mode. It just doesn’t happen, but I am happy to say I can feel my blogger-ness returning. I am here again with clear thoughts and keenness to write {insert happy dance}.

So time at home, keeping a cleaner dwelling, noticing little faces and making shit. That’s who I am right at this moment. That’s who I need to be and just quietly, I kinda like it.just wanna make stuff

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10 Responses to Creativity my Healer

  1. Alicia says:

    That is awesome chickey. I like it when creativity gives me a boost. I get where you are coming from. I used to be great in high stress situations at work, but motherhood is a different ball game, altogether!! It seems I am always dropping the ball. I hope you are feeling awesome more than not xx

  2. Ai Sakura says:

    It’s a luxury to be able to have time to release your creative energy too :) Sometimes we all get so caught up in the hectic world, “time to create” is not something we get. Hope you have more awesome days of clarity ahead!

    Ai @ Sakura Haruka

    • Vicki says:

      Thanks Ari. You’re right. Having time to be creative is a luxury that a lot don’t have. I’m grateful for that and grateful I’ve realised to put my energy into that rather than rushing around doing something probably not all that important. Thanks for dropping by :)

  3. Tat says:

    Creativity has been a big factor in understanding who I am and it has taken me on some very unexpected adventures. Which may not be quite what you’re after right now, but following your creative urge seems to be taking you exactly where you need to go.

  4. Such a beautiful and honest post. It’s so good to engage in activities that make you feel good and productive – and you are right sitting down at a sewing machine is such an amazing feeling xx

    • Vicki says:

      Thanks Lauren. I think if we can find ways of feeling like we’ve been productive it does a whole heap for morale and self satisfaction. Thanks for dropping by x

  5. I’m very very happy to hear that you haven’t left the house, it’s so hard to do but SO nice to just chill, vege and not feel guilty about it. It’s harder for me with a school aged child but I ADORE not going out, just playing, letting the kids make a mess. Stoked for you xx

  6. Maxabella says:

    I like that: “worn in the idea”. No matter how long it takes, it’s a nice way to live. x

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