I’m no pushing veteran but I’ve learn’t a thing or two after birthing and becoming a new Mum. You only need to do it once for your entire reality and perspective to alter like a whole universe worth. I think I’ve summed how it all changed for me right here:
1. I won’t be so mortified when I have to lift my breast feeding knockers and throw them up over my shoulder to dry underneath them after a swim or shower.
2. I will never be deluded enough again to think pushing a baby out is as easy as just breathing down the birth canal. How about my blood shot eye balls nearly blowing completely out? Thanks soooo much for that misconception Hypnobirthing book.
3. I definitely won’t be boasting about how a new baby won’t stop me from going camping to fellow parents who know too well that it’s never going to happen and I’m exhibiting the voice of complete ignorance displayed only by a first time preggie (it took us 20 months to get our campee back on with a toddler in tow). Embarrassment plus in hindsight.
4. I concede, I won’t attempt to go to yoga with Hello Dolly Parton breastfeeding knockers without wearing a bra. Some things will just never return to the way they were. Period.
5. I won’t get excited when I feel an endearing little flutter and be deluded enough to think it might just be a contraction. Be damned it is. I will D.E.F.I.N.I.T.L.Y know when the time has arrived. No woman, not even Wonderwoman can mistake the big moment when it finally revs up.
6. I won’t be taking Baby Vick to his/her first professional music theatre show at just 8 days old with sleep deprived, dazed, over protective parents who ultimately will start an argument with the usher and I’ll end up blubbering through the entire show in the back row. Why did we think we could still live as we did?
7. I wont be shocked when midwives moments after that momentous thing called birth, clasp their paws all over my nip nips and start squeezing away without hesitation or permission. Was I not traumatised enough? Breasts are public property post birth and privacy departs in the moment of that first contraction. Deal with it.
8. I now know why I got so many face washers at my baby shower. Those poop wiping, vomit scooping accessories are the bees knees. I will never under value the mere, humble face washer ever again.
9. I wont think little wee leakages are reserved for the over 65′s. Doing Kegel exercises once a month will not be enough to maintain my bladder and muscles youth. Pregnancy no. 2 is certainly proof of this.
10. I will not be surprised when Ural becomes my best friend. Those who have already had babies vaginally will know what I’m talking about here and if you haven’t, then you’ll see. Or rather feel.
11. I will not fall into the trap of believing any pregnancy compliments in the form of oh you’re all baby. Let me tell you I did not give birth to an 18 kg baby. What those people who are giving momentarily ego boosting compliments don’t tell you is that it’s going to take the next 18 years to shed every bit of those 18kg’s.
12. During labour no one should be surprised when I feck off Hypnobirthing mantras and start shouting things like forget an epidural, just give me a cesarean! (of which I got neither)
What things did you learn by the second time round??
Today I’m linking up with Essentially Jess for the #IBOT Linky Party!